this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
