I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
