look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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