Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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