The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
