So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize