in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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