You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
