Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
