i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
