he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
