Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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