Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
