pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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