How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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