jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize