his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it fun? or sober?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
