He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
