Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
