Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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