Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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