you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
