At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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