Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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