Acid is not a monday night drug
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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