But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
