At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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