it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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