He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
