Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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