A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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