You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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