just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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