What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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