Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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