I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
