i think i have two assholes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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