how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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