Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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