that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
