do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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