why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
