Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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