Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
