Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
