I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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