Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
