The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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