i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
