She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize