this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
