Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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