He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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