I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
