this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
