Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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