she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am never drinking with the goths again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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