I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
