I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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