She said her name was "party"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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