i jhust puked up my retainher.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
