What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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