Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
