vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
