The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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