Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
