Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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