Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
