I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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