Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude. I can hear the air.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
