What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
