This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
